| It's time.... |
[Oct. 9th, 2009|09:18 pm] |
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I called on it before, now I do it again. Tonight or tomorrow, I invoke the 19th. For her. For him, he deserves the first, but I'll settle on something less. I haven't decided what. |
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| And what have you done with your life, lately? |
[Jun. 28th, 2008|01:23 am] |
So, lotsa changes lately; All of them good, surprisingly. Got a wonderful new girl. She makes me happy as hell. School starting in a couple of weeks, job going OK. Brother moved in to town.
He's staying with me, as me and the roomies are "the only people he trusts." Creepy the way he puts it. Must run in the family, I guess.
I usually say "I'll add more later," but there never seems to be enough time to do that lately. Oh well.
Oh, and saw Wanted, BTW. Nothing like the comic book, but then it woulda been NC-17. Still a decent summer action flick. |
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| We saved the world. I say we party. |
[May. 20th, 2008|08:48 am] |
So, this was the best Birthday weekend ever. I partied for most of the weekend, went out to Ebor City, and finally got to go to the castle. We had so much fun, we're gonna make a monthly deal of it. Seriously, how bad can a place be when some dude rave-dances while dressed as Batman? I'll elaborate on this weekend later.
Things between me and Shadie finally collapsed. We nursed that dying beast along for 6 months, but its' for the best. We'll still be friends, at least. Ok, Off to work for now. |
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| I'll kill all of you to stay alive |
[May. 12th, 2008|02:39 pm] |
Now, we all know that certain times of the year I become a rampaging lunatic. Now is one of them. Fuck with me this week, and I will disintegrate you; Capiche?
You have been warned. |
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| Oh, save the whales, but not the universe, huh? |
[Apr. 15th, 2008|08:42 am] |
So, I had this dream. I needed to put it down before it faded, because I rarely dream any more. So here goes:
I'm on a small research boat of some kind, the type you see with the metal cage to get photos of great white sharks and all that. Anyways, while out at sea, there is an emergency, and the engine on the boat fails. On top of that, the electrical system stops because of it (Impossible, I know, but it's a dream; work with me here.) We manage to get the boat to keep moving a bit until we find a couple of very small islands in the ocean; Very small, like 50 feet across on both of them, and one is basically a small pointy mountain sticking out of the water. In any event, neither of them offer any chance of survival. As we are sitting there, trying to figure out what to do, we decide to lower the cage so that we can at least get some underwater photos to distract us from our plight for a bit. A little bit after we do this, but before anyone gets into the cage, the boat gets pulled down a bit, and crashes against the side of the mountain island, leaving the boat stranded against it. We look over the side, and see two whales circling the boat, a small and a large Orca. After we see that, the whale expert on the boat gets quiet just for a second, then says 'Wow'. We all look at him, and he says, 'The whales are circling us because they think we're a whale. And they're trying to help us because they think we're going to die.' And it was at that pronunciation that we realized he was right.
I woke up just a little after that. I'm not sure if it has any real relevance, or just one of those random dreams. |
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| I said no food. I didn't say there was nothing to eat. |
[Mar. 27th, 2008|05:00 pm] |
Created by OnePlusYou -
Sweet. So I guess I am a untapped resource somewhere.
PS: If you Steampunkers get this on the community board, I'm sorry. Please comment me and let me know, so I could find a way of avoiding it in the future. I don't know if my drivel will appear on there, and don't want to clutter it. |
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| I can wire anything directly into anything! I am the Professor! |
[Feb. 4th, 2008|01:21 am] |
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It's nice to hang out with people who appreciate the extra effort you put out to make them happy. It made me realize how hard I work to make people happy, and they still don't care. I think I'm done trying to do that anymore. |
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| It's like being nailed into your own coffin |
[Jan. 29th, 2008|05:32 pm] |
I can feel it welling up again. I'm not sure what I can do to handle it this time.
It's all the negative emotions one can have; anger, despair, fear, hatred, pain, loss.
I don't know what to do about it this time. Last time they broke me. I hope I can keep a smile on. |
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| Dad gave me this. Fifth birthday. He said, "Childhood's over the moment you know you're gonna die." |
[Jan. 8th, 2008|11:50 pm] |
Every night I die,
Reborn by the light of the Sun.
Each life I live,
Is chosen by the fate of One.
Sorry, felt like waxing poetic for a bit. I feel so... distorted as of late. I don't know what's wrong with me; I should be happy, but it seems I can't settle for what I have; always wanting more.
Is that bad, though? A man, once he has what he seeks, can retire, and live out the remainder of his days, secure in the knowledge he achieved his goals. To me, that sounds like he died the minute he completed it. A man should never be truly complete, lest complacency becomes him.
Feel free to throw feedback on this. I really need it. |
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| I can't believe what a bunch of nerds we are. We're looking up "money laundering" in a dictionary. |
[Dec. 20th, 2007|07:26 pm] |
So, Milky's buddy Andew (which I've apparently co-opted) was hanging out, and a movie came on starring someone I recognized from one of the Greatest Movies Evar!™ Which, after me proclaiming that he was in "Office Space", Andew states that he had never seen the movie. Aghast, I immediately turned off what I was watching, and popped in my emergency reserve copy. An hour and 29 minutes later, the issue was resolved.
Anyone who's ever worked, will be working, or still works an office job should watch that. Right........
Now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 15th, 2007|02:20 pm] |
Your Score: The Ferret You scored 55% domestic, 21% gregarious, 67% trickster, and 50% intellect! 
Domestic, Solitary, Emotional Trickster: you are the Ferret!
Curious, mischievous, high-energy. Ferret people are often playful spirits with a calculating mind. Ferret medicine teaches resourcefulness, self-reliance, and ingenuity.
This test categorized you based on four different axes of personality, which were then associated with a different animal. The four axes, as well as all possible results are explained below.
Wild/Domestic: This first axis categorizes you based on how much you are drawn to the outdoors, versus how much you are drawn to civilized situations. Domesticity has many shapes and forms, and varies from the joy of dolphins leaping next to a ship to the steadfast loyalty of a family dog.
Gregarious/Solitary: This axis measures how solitary you are. If you scored high, it means that you enjoy the company of other people, while a low score indicates that you prefer a more solitary lifestyle.
Trickster/Serious: This axis measures how well you line up with conventional trickster archetypes. People who fall into this archetype have a sense of humor and an excitable, highly chaotic streak. Scoring low doesn't mean that you don't have a sense of humor; it just means that you probably don't think dynamite is very funny.
Intellectual/Emotional: This last axis determines whether you are more emotional -- acting based on feelings and instinct, or rational and intelectual -- acting more on thought than on your gut feelings.
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| If I didn't say anything, people always assumed the worst. |
[Dec. 10th, 2007|12:16 am] |
I tried to leave this behind, to move on and find another outlet, but no dice. It's too... cathartic? Even though it reminds me of better times, places, and people, I still find myself wanting to type something... anything. I think I do this instead of something stupid, which is a better alternative.
I'm still alive. Even when all the chips are on the table, I still manage to stay in the game. |
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| “This is Ripley, last survivor of the Nostromo, signing off.” |
[Nov. 8th, 2007|11:57 pm] |
I think that people avoid me because I whine too much. That I bitch and moan, and never do anything to fix a problem, until it is absolutely necessary. I can cope with that, I guess. Not like I have a choice.
I've also decided that, seeing as how my LJ never has any readers, I'm going to stop using it. If you want to talk to me, IM me on AIM or Yahoo at: HellBane999. |
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| I must've done something right in a previous life. Can't imagine what that could've been. |
[Nov. 3rd, 2007|12:08 pm] |
The problem with a job that has a lot of moments were you can't do anything but wait is the the waiting. It gives us a long few minutes to think about the past (or present,) and really look at things. After someone mentioned something about lost innocence, I started to think back on mine, and realized something.
I can't pinpoint when I lost it.
Most people say that when they lost their virginity, that's when they lost it. I can honestly say that didn't happen to me. Hell, that event barely changed me. I just peruse my memories, looking for the defining moment, and I don't think there is one. In fact, It looks like I became a cold-hearted, cynical bastard almost overnight. It's depressing, but It's what I've become. On the plus side, I did have a revelation:
I know what innocence truly is.
Innocence is the stage in your life when you are unaware of how the world truly operates. The bogeymen that you are warned about are all vague, trench coat wearing guys, trying to snatch you away. A serious disease to a innocent is the summer flu, and not AIDS or cancer. But, the one thing that really defines innocence to me is spontaneity; the ability to go do whatever you desire, without having the responsibility to keep you from doing it. We lose that the moment we get a serious job, or start having to pay for our own existence. And honestly, who can remember they did something truly spontaneous? Not deciding to rent a action flick instead of a drama; Not switching the kinds of noodles you're going to use in your pasta for dinner tonight. Only those that are still innocent do things with little or no plan into it, like climbing a tree, or taking a hike in the woods behind your house. I think the world would be a better place If some of us still tried to keep spontaneous action in our lives. |
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| I know it is a little early for Christmas, Edward, but; I have a present for you. |
[Oct. 21st, 2007|12:36 pm] |
So, went and saw 30 Days of Night Friday. All in all, a enjoyable movie, and stayed fairly true to its' original storyline. The visuals are quite gory, however, so no bringing kids to go see it, If you care at all how they turn out.
On top of everything, all of my clothing smells like cloves. Normally, I wouldn't care, but this has happened because Shadie was kind enough to wash my clothing, but forgot to check the pockets. I got to smoke 2 of them out of the pack before they were borne to a watery grave. Not mad at her, just frustrated that I have to go get another pack now.
Been doing the live-action thing to help take the edge off of the stress in my life. It's fun, but consuming. As long as I keep my guard up, though, I'll be fine. It does make me pine for days of old, and friends who are gone, but not forgotten.
I've been thinking a lot lately, and I realize that, although I'm very cynical, and tend to be thought of as cruel sometimes, I am very patient and forgiving. Most people in the world are not like that. There are times in my life where I wish I wasn't as honest as I was, and that would have helped smoothed things over with people, but that is said and done, and there's no undoing the damage. I apologize to all those who I hurt with my honesty. I also miss my mini-psychiatrist; without them, all I do now is bottle up unhealthy thoughts, and let them stew.
I'm now more afraid of myself than anything else in this world. |
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hellbane's journal